A Day In The Life Of A Boutique Owner in Who-Gives-A-Fuck-istan (A Style Savvy Trendsetters Review)

Day 97, I think, since the day passes but it's still the same day, sometimes

Take that, fashion, I wore a bikini top with overalls and yet was still made Czar of Fashion. WHAT CAN'T I DO?

So for all you newcomers to my blog, I'm Orfea, the current winner of the International Contest and owner of the boutique Velvet Room, named after something I saw in a dream once that was way better than the life I'm living right now. 

Anyway, of course, as I do every month, I'll recap my entire life story for you noobs. I originally came from literally anywhere else and stumbled into Michela's boutique, the Mira Luna, where I became part time help and generally just did Michela's job because why not, right? As such, when Michela decided for no reason that she was just going to leg it, I took over the shop. Also, Emmylou was there, whatever she brings to this story. We dicked around in the store for a while, playing dress up with the customers, when finally Emmylou decided she also wanted fame and opened up her own boutique that I'm pretty sure immediately failed because literally five people in this town can dress themselves properly. It was then my duty, although I never asked for this, to teach people how to properly dress and bring my sense of fashion forward as the world's new fashion trend.  Sorry, I'm making all of this sound like it's a terrible drag when it's sometimes pretty fun.

Pictured: fun. Not the band, I mean... me having fun. Whatever.

From my last overly depressing and long post, I'm aware that a good portion of you think I subscribe to the gothic lifestyle and wear only the frilly, dark, dramatic styles that characterizes the genre, but I'm just not that kind of person. Of course, the inside of my shop really isn't helping, but I'd like to think that just because I like the idea of overly-dramatic, intricate, and beautiful design doesn't inform people of what they might find in my shop. I prefer bright, cheery clothes in stupid colors, or refined, mature outfits, or academic clothing. My least favorite style changes often, but you'll be damn sure it's this Boho-chic trend that has been flooding my store recently, followed quickly by literally every person trying to look fashionable in clothes meant for sports. Hint, hint: I can't fix your train wreck of an outfit with more items that the designers pulled out of a homeless woman's cart. Yeah, we're bound to find SOME good things, like one or two things that work, but you and I both know you'll still look like a train wreck at the end of it, so I don't know what the point of you asking me to make you look like a better train wreck is supposed to be.

These people can dress themselves. See any sports clothes? HELL NO.

That being said, I have been asked a lot in the comments if I'm related to another boutique owner in our neighboring city of Shitty-First-Game, and I'm going to have to go with "well, yes, I'm related to her, it would be weird otherwise, wouldn't it?" So, yes, Ru'a of Fool's Gold is my sister, as it were, and why yes, I did learn a little from her about becoming a boutique owner, which probably explains why the lot of you think I'm so good at it, although if the lot of you who can actually navigate to this page on a computer or a phone walked up to Michela and said you wanted to run a store, I'm sure you could do it too. After being bombarded with questions about Ru'a last time I posted, I felt like I should really sit my sister down and talk about our experiences as boutique owners. So I called her up, mostly for old times sake.

Ru'a expressed to me once, before I left Shitty-First-Game to come to this city, that she was surprised by the lack thereof of men in Shitty-First-Game. There were two males, Dominic and his butler, and as I recall, Dominic spent most of his time shying away from romances with Grace and Ru'a herself (and failing miserably at it, if I might add). There's something to be said about living in a city populated only by women who don't know how to dress themselves. Fortunately, men actually appear often in Who-Gives-A-Fuck-istan, although it still took them forever to show up period. And of course they Buyer Center was completely unforgiving with the selection of clothes for men, which is probably the most annoying part of having men in the city in the first place. But I have to admit that I rather like living in the non-apocalyptic city over the apocalyptic endgame that was Shitty-First-Game.

I will say that Who-Gives-A-Fuck-istan is far more beautiful than Shitty-First-Game... I mean, everything about it is, but what I like best is that everyone doesn't look like a husk of a human being staring blankly into a bleak future and getting just excited over new clothes because it would change the humdrum po-dunk post-apocalyptic lives they lead only ever so slightly when they look in a mirror, and indeed while it is possible to run into people who look exactly like those from Shitty-First-Game, I have to say that the fact that people's eyebrows move independently from their mouths and eyes is at least giving me the illusion that we're not all dead on the inside.

I can even go out and take pictures with people who don't look exactly like me. It's like a miracle!

On top of that, I think there's a lot to be said about how beautiful the landscapes in Who-Gives-A-Fuck-istan are. For example, our lavender fields are just to die for (in the summer) and have you been to the cake shop? It's shaped like a cake! Crazy. Also I do rather like the park and I'd be remiss if I didn't point out we have fabulous tea, but I feel like some of the architects from Shitty-First-Game are creeping over here and don't understand that we haven't reached the apocalypse in this city yet, which explains why downtown is so shitty and why the concert venue seems to just be full of cardboard cutouts meant to be human. But... right, so I was talking to Ru'a about the differences in owning boutiques...

Ru'a said that she liked selling clothing from a line called April Bonbon, which sounds absolutely adorable, and sure enough it's the kind of pop clothing one would expect from a clothing line with a name that sweet. But her interior design is much more of an upscale-luxury look, which means she gets clientele that don't match what she sells. I wish I could say I don't have that problem, but I get a lot of you gothic folk in here. I don't hate you-- I'm just saying I really do want to sell colorful things and you're giving me nothing to work with here.

Here, I've done the gothic thing before, and I've done it pretty well, if I do say so myself.

But Ru'a's actually worked with April Bonbon, which at the very least attracts their customers to her. Me, I've never once been asked to design clothes with Mint Sprinkles or Harlow Heights and I sell the literal hell out of their clothing. I guess Shitty-First-Game needs an injection of color more than we do in Who-Gives-A Fuck-istan, but... I mean come on. It would be so much fun to create some kind of clothing for a brand.

Compared to the vast amounts of literal nothing that goes on in Shitty-First-Game, I do a lot of stuff here in Who-Gives-A-Fuck-istan. I drink tea a lot, visit people at the beach and even go to concerts (although there's only one band that comes here, Satellite 55). So I guess I've done a lot more with my time than my sister has in her city. I also can do more than one contest in a "day", although "day" is a weird way to put it since I'm pretty sure the time between two full moons is exactly one month and sometimes I'll notice that the moon will be full four or five times in a row depending on how well I do in concerts, my sales, and even other things, like going out to meet people at different locations. I'm just saying I think I might be going insane or time-traveling, and it's weird that literally no one else in this town talks about it. Do none of you notice that months go by in the course of what should be a week, but it's still the same month and same day of the year? It's weird. Time definitely didn't pass as quickly in Shitty-First-Game, but at the very least it was more sensible.

But you're not here to hear me complain about this. I promised, of course, to show you all the life of a fashion icon as I take on the international contest for... what is this, the millionth time? I decided I might as well give you a photo diary of my day, sort of kind of, so we'll start in the early morning.

Unlike my sister, I have multiple assistants, but I usually pick Gordon to work with me. He dresses himself and doesn't restock me with absolute nonsense that I don't need, which I appreciate. I usually spend the mornings deciding clothes for the mannequin in my window. But yesterday no one bought the outfit I put up in the middle of the night for the sake of putting something up, so I didn't have to today. Fortunately, a customer came by and wanted that very outfit. So I sold it and put up a new one.

Next, I went inside and helped out my first customer of the day, this guy who apparently is in a band. He liked my outfit of the day (an AZ-USA outfit, so pretty bold, if I do say so myself) and wanted something similar. I of course made him look fantastic instantly, because that's just what I do. He gave me free tickets to his concert, so I figured I'd stop by before the contest tonight. But, weirdly enough, his group's name is Spinach Lemmings. What a weird name.

Trust me, you don't want to see what he came in with. This is how he left, though.

I then helped a new customer named Millicent, who commented on how cool and bold I was because I wore clothes that were bold. After all, clothing defines the person, doesn't it? She asked me then to make her an outfit of the same type. I agreed, because I'm a slave to money. But just to prove I can do whatever I want, I made a hideous outfit with a floral skirt, a plaid top, and a magenta tank so bright it's practically off-color. And she bought it, because I am a god.

Here's how she came in, she looks alright, right?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFF--

After that I worked on a few other people who pretty much just wanted hats or jeans or skirts, the most egregious of which was a woman who had an increasingly alarming obsession with the fact that she didn't usually wear skirts, which is something I thought young children and homeless men were privy to on account of them being young children and homeless men. Never mind that she came in wearing a skirt. But-- and this is something I can't stand, so literally all of you, stop this-- she didn't tell me what type of clothes she likes and I couldn't tell from her terrible sense of fashion, so I just had her try on things until mercifully, she just left (she did buy clothes, though). She'd never once been to my boutique before, by the way. Annoying. If you're going to come to my store and you don't even have a stamp card yet, the very least you could do is say something like, "I'd like to look like this" or "I dislike that" so I'm not left to look at the shambles you call clothing and determine what you like.

I thought she liked girly clothes, but apparently it was feminine clothes. Well shoot me.

And this is how she leaves. Beautiful? I guess.

I then helped two new people, mothers who didn't look like they were mothers because everyone in this city looks like a teenager. The person I helped was named Diva and her friend was named Rochelle. Diva asked me to find her an outfit that would suit me, though she didn't seem to know what she wanted to look like. So my first choice was to put this mother into some flirty clothes because I have no soul to speak of. But she actually liked it. Like, for real. Crazy. Although, to be fair, I really did like her jacket... I'm going to have to visit the Buyer's Center.

These two? Mothers? YEAH OKAY.

How you dress when you have kids!

And so went my day, on and on, until of course it came time to see the Spinach Lemmings (ugh, this name) at their concert. I didn't bother changing because I always look fantastic. But first I stopped downtown, where I ran into Teagan our resident photographer, who took a picture for me for Nuances. That's right, I now take up not only the cover and the must-see area of our fashion magazine, but I'm also the person who is wearing THE BEST CLOTHES this town has ever seen. Sad? Absolutely.

Teagan, just hanging around in the downtown area.

I met Gary at the concert venue. And the Spinach Lemmings were already done playing! Apparently he put too much faith into his look and not his band. Considering I was the one who put together his look, that blows my mind.

Apparently they sounded like crap.

After that, I decided to join the International Contest. The theme of the day? "An Asian-inspired look-- from head to toe." I have a theory with this theme and it goes thus: Asians only wear kimonos. I know that this is true because I have never once lost with a kimono. Never ever. To further the racism win, I also went for the double bun hairstyle and the makeup set called Eastern Promise. So there you go, my most racist outfit ever made. Because racism wins these things. I entered with Angelina, a model I worked with and won with 6 times now because I know how to put clothes on other people. 

MC Mode, the man who introduces every contest, looks as silly as usual, as you can see...

Why, exactly, do we let this guy tell us what looks good and what doesn't?

First up? Stylist Juliana with the model Lilianna, whose eyes really creep me out. Of course they got fourth-- Julianna's love of socks and sandals has never gotten her anywhere-- and I'm concerned with the color combination of green, red, and gold with the cheongsam dress that matches but has nothing to do with the green Julianna chose.

Her eyes aren't that creepy in this picture... but trust me, her eyes are creepy!

Stylist Luka was next, with the model Roberta. I do like Roberta a lot, and I was unsurprised when they won second because Roberta actually looked good in what she was wearing. If Luka had changed Roberta's hair to not an afro, maybe they might've been a threat to me. But the pink/purple/brown motif looks really good on Roberta.

Powerhumping the air is standard for these functions.

Then there was stylist Padma with model Cailyn, who I like but I've never actually worked with. She does look silly in Padma's color trainwreck, mostly because there's too much color and too many complex designs in her clothing. They came in third.

OH GOD THE COLORS

Then, of course there was Angelina and me.. And of course I FUCKING WON. Like I said, just straight up racism will win this contest. I have no shame. So with $5,000 more in my pocket, I stepped back out into the night and ignored the party at the hotel to write this blog. You're welcome.

You're damn right I went for the most racist everything ever and won.

So, with that, I leave you. I'm going to get back to my job-- you know doing all that stuff I just said? So I'll see you guys when I see you guys. Later.