Warriors of Vale (A group of children who saved the world, known as Weyard):
Issac
Garet
Ivan
Mia
Felix
Jenna
Sheba
Piers
Kraden
Literally everyone in Weyard knows of the Warriors of Vale (if not their names, then at least their actions).
The only (consistent) antagonist is Alex.
I tried to make sure it was put together with as much care and loving as Dark Dawn itself was. As such, I haven't explained anything and at every turn someone will be saying something extremely stupid or extremely obvious. Also I've made sure to keep the objective of the mission completely hidden and to make all the transitions as lame as possible. I'll do my best to make sure it's as true to the game as possible by making fun of it at every turn. Go!
Narrator: 30 years after the Warriors of Vale saved Weyard...
Issac: Matthew, I used to be afflicted with Avatar-itis too. The best way to fix it is to generally agree with everything that everyone around you says. You know, that also makes you pretty good leader material. Oh, here comes Garet and Tyrell.
Garet: Hey, we'll be in this for like two seconds even though technically, we could solve the coming problems on our own!
Tyrell: There are going to be problems?
Issac: Tons.
Garet: Yeah seriously, it's about to be a whole different world. Also, We've gotta get this plot going, so for no reason, here's Karis.
Karis: My dad's Ivan.
Tyrell: Who's Ivan?
 |
| Name: Ivan Element: Jupiter (Wind) Warrior of Vale (i.e., saved the world) At 15 years old, he was the most gifted Jupiter Adept in all of Weyard |
Matthew: ...
Issac: What's this invention here?
Karis: It's called the Soarwing. My dad made it.
Tyrell: S'okay if I break it?
Karis: Don't see why not.
-breaks the soarwing-
Karis: GOD DAMN IT HE BROKE IT
Garet: *sniff* just like your old man.
Issac: You wanna go get him?
Garet: No, leave him. Me and his nameless mother can make another one.
Karis: But the soarwing!
Garet: Fine... whiny brat.
-Saves Tyrell, runs into psyenergy vortex and plant boss-
Issac: OH MY GOD A REPERCUSSION OF WHAT WE DID 30 YEARS AGO!
Garet: OH SHIT
Tyrell: Are you guys going to fix it?
Issac: ...nah, it'll work itself out.
-defeats plant boss-
Issac: Looks like a major component of this is plucking a feather off of an endangered species. Fortunately one lives like right over there. Why don't you kids go get it?
Tyrell: But you're an adult. Why don't you?
Issac: Because I need a drink. Garet?
Garet: YES.
Issac: Also, I'm going to call Kraden, you know, with like... my mind or something. So you should meet up with him when you're done with this bird thing.
Karis: Who's Kraden?
 |
| Name: Kraden Occupation: Scholar Warrior of Vale (i.e. saved the world) |
Tyrell: Matthew, do you know?
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: Yeah, I liked that episode of Whose Line too.
-Meets Kraden, Rief, and Nowell-
Kraden: I'm Kraden.
Karis: Who's Kraden?
|
| STILL TOTALLY SAVED THE WORLD AND SHIT |
Kraden: Me, I'm Kraden.
Tyrell: You're ancient, but not THAT ancient.
Kraden: Yeah, immortality and all that jazz.
Karis: Oh. Well, I'm Karis. My father's Ivan.
Tyrell: Who's Ivan?
|
| Inheritor of the powers of an ancient tribe of Jupiter Adepts STILL TOTALLY ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO SAVED THE WORLD AND SHIT |
-silence-
Karis: This is Tyrell. And that's Matthew.
Rief: I'm Reif. My mother's Mia.
Tyrell: Who's Mia?
 |
| Name: Mia Element: Mercury (Water) Warrior of Vale (i.e. saved the world) Powerful adept beaten only by Alex, the previous game's antagonist |
-silence-
Nowell: I'm Nowell and I'm in love with Piers.
Karis: Who's Piers?
 |
| Name: Piers Element: Mercury (Water) Warrior of Vale Only known Lemurian (a race thought to be extinct) living today. |
-silence-
Rief: OH NO SOLDIERS I'M CAPTURED!
Matthew: ...
Karis: I don't have a love interest.
Tyrell: Well, I think--
Karis: SHUT UP AND STOP THINKING, MATTHEW IS OUR LEADER
Tyrell: But Matthew doesn't talk!
Karis: BUT I LOVE HIM
Tyrell: Wait, what?
Karis: No, I don't love him, but he's still the leader.
Matthew: ...
Kraden: We have to stop them and get Rief back! Quit having love interests or maybe not having love interests and let's go after Rief! ... Actually, nah, you go after Rief, I'm gonna go with Nowell to Morgal. Catch y'all bitches later!
Nowell: I'm still in love with Piers.
Blados: I'm part of the Tuaparang. Supposedly we're lead by Felix, but no one ever mentions that.
Tyrell: Who's Felix?
 |
| Name: Felix Element: Venus (Earth) Warrior of Vale (i.e. saved the world) Literally the protagonist of Golden Sun: The Lost Age |
Blados: IT DOESN'T MATTER FIGHT ME
-fights-
Blados: Choose an exit and we'll free your little friend.
Karis: Well, this is the only one we can take, but what if they kill Rief?
Tyrell: Wait, who's Rief?
-saves Rief-
Rief: Well, let's go to Morgal and meet up with Kraden.
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: I agree, it would be a good idea to blindly go after him since apparently we can't go back home and get our much more experienced parents.
-Reaches Passaj-
Rief: Ah, the ancient Alchemy Forge that no one knew about until 30 years ago, when it was either built or unearthed.
Karis: So... not ancient?
Rief: SHUT UP AND LET'S GO TO MORGAL
Random townsperson: Well, we need this thing called the Sol Mask to operate the forge, but we don't have it. It's in Kaocho. But once we have it we can pretty much just send you to Morgal. Fetch quest FTW
Tyrell: What? How do you NOT HAVE IT?
Random townsperson: I don't... I mean, it's not MY FAULT personally...
Karis: You guys wanna just go get it?
Rief: Might as well.
-Goes to Kaocho-
Chalis: I'm Chalis and I'm part of the Tuaparang. We're led by Felix, maybe.
Rief: Who's Felix?
|
| Older brother of Jenna, Matthew's mother. STILL TOTALLY SAVED THE WORLD AND SHIT |
Tyrell: We want the Sol Mask.
Chalis: So do I. It's in the Ouroboros.
Tyrell: Seriously?
Karis: How do we get in?
Chalis: You go to Ayuthay and get a key.
Tyrell: So you can't just HAVE the key. Why is there a key to this place?
Chalis: I'll tell the king you can do it.
Karis: But I don't want to.
Chalis: TRAITORS
Reif: Wait, what just happened? How are we traitors? We're just kids who want to get to Morgal and WHY IS THE MASK FOR SOMETHING NEARLY A CONTINENT AWAY OVER HERE?!
-locked in the Oroboros-
Tyrell: Oh, look. An exit.
-Ayuthay-
Amiti: I'm Amiti. I'm a prince and also the son of Alex, maybe.
Rief: Who's Alex?
 |
| Name: Alex Element: Mercury (Water) Literally the antagonist for the Golden Sun games on GBA |
Amiti: I'll help you for the low low fee of getting me the hell outta here.
Karis: But you're not the boss of us, okay?
Amiti: I know, it's this guy who hasn't said a word yet.
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: Dude, I LOVED that movie. Crazy special effects, right?
Amiti: anyway, let's go to Te Rya, they have bitchin' parties. Also you want to go to Morgal, right? So let's do that.
-Te Rya-
Ryu Kou: BELINSK WAS FOUNDED BY ANIMAL PEOPLE
Rief: You know, way back in the day there was a village made up of just werewolves.
Karis: How uninteresting I find that. Don't go on.
Rief: I'm just saying that an entire sub continent of animal people is like a REALLY weird thing when not even a century ago there was only one set of animal people who were pretty much murdered on the spot if people saw them.
Tyrell: You know what else is really weird? You not shutting up.
-Belinsk-
Karis: Welp, no Kraden. This was pointless.
Sveta: I'm Sveta and I'm not related to any of the warriors of Vale because I'm a beastman.
Tyrell: Oh, that's cool.
Sveta: Also I can read minds.
Karis: What am I thinking?
Sveta: You're trying to kill the Mountain Roc? YOU BASTARDS.
Tyrell: Actually, we just wanted a feather, so--
Sveta: BASTARDS!
Rief: Well, I guess we should go to Port Rago?
Tyrell: Why?
Karis: Yeah seriously, why?
Rief: Maybe Kraden went there?
Tyrell: Good enough.
-Port Rago-
Briggs: I have to be like a million years old but I am trying to save my 30 year old son from Belinsk. I met Felix in the Lost Age.
Tyrell: Who's Felix?
|
| Had a captivating storyline that made him an anti-hero in the original Golden Sun. STILL JENNA'S OLDER BROTHER, SO HOW DOES MATTHEW NOT KNOW WHO HE IS STILL TOTALLY SAVED THE WORLD |
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: Man, dude, you crack me UP!
Karis: Yeah, let's go to Kolima Forest, which is close to here for no explicable reason.
-Kolima Forest-
Tret: Matthew...Your father is Issac and your mother is Jenna.
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: Who are those people?
 |
| Name: Jenna Element: Mars (Fire) Warrior of Vale (i.e. saved the world) Matthew's mother and most technical Mars Adept in Weyard |
Laurel: Wait, you should go activate this thing in Belinsk. I hear it's a pretty cool guy. It's like, ruins under Belinsk.
Reif: Ancient ruins?
Laurel: I don't fucking know. Just do it.
Karis: Yeah, okay.
Tret: Amiti and Rief are distantly related.
Amiti: Is that tree talking to us?
Reif: Dunno, I've been smoking since we got here.
Laurel: Wait, guys! I meant DON'T activate that thing under Belinsk! Don't! It'd cause an apocalypse!
Everyone but Matthew: Okayyyyy!
Reif: Hey, so... want to go activate some ruins under Belinsk?
Karis: Chekov's gun, amirite?
-Talon Peak-
Ryu Kou: SVETA'S THE YOUNGER SISTER OF THE KING OF MORGAL AND SHE'S LOOKING FOR A MEANS FOR YOU TO GET TO THE MOUNTAIN ROC
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: OH MY GOD, I didn't realize Snape killed Dumbledore! Dude. CRAZY.
Amiti: Want to help us get the feather?
Ryu Kou: ONLY IF I'M ALLOWED TO BETRAY YOU AFTERWARDS
Karis: What kind of game would this be if you DIDN'T?
-Mountain Roc defeated! Feather get! Magma orb get!-
Blados: Betray your friends, Ryu Kou
Ryu Kou: YOU GUYS REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN I SAID I'D BETRAY YOU TOTALLY DOING IT BYE
Chalis: AH HA HA HA HA
Tyrell: MY GOD
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: You're right, I do find the portrayal of women in today's media quite appalling, Matthew.
Karis: But... on topic... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED RYU KOU WOULD BETRAY US!?
Amiti: I know I didn't see that coming at all!
Karis: Well, now that he has the Magma orb, what do we do?
Tyrell: Weed?
Amiti: Wait, let's stop them from doing bad stuff like heroes!
Rief: Genius! But how?
Amiti: The magma orb activates that thing we want to activate, right? So let's go see if they activate it.
Tyrell: I thought the tree said not to activate it.
Rief: Yeah, but Chekov's gun, remember?
Tyrell: Right! Okay, let's go activate that thing!
Karis: But wait.
Amiti: What?
Karis: We need music. First let's reunite a band.
Tyrell: Yeah, I really like that plan.
-Belinsk, Underground Ruins-
Karis: The ruins! Let's go!
Arcanus: Ah ha ha! I am Arcanus, also known as Alex. I tricked Ryu Kou into activating these ruins also known as the Alchemy Dynamo! I AM YOUR FATHER, AMITI
Amiti: Nooo... that's not true! That's impossible!
Arcanus: Search your feelings, young one!
Tyrell: Sorry, but who is Alex?
|
| Forced the hands of literally every single Warrior of Vale. Pretty much the ONLY villain the Warriors of Vale had to face constantly. |
Arcanus: This place is a lighthouse, except that it's really not. It's a tower and now for the Grave Eclipse.
-City of Belinsk-
Ryu Kou: I WAS TRICKED AND NOW MY QUEST TO SAVE MY GIRLFRIEND OR AVENGE MY MASTER OR WHATEVER CAN NEVER BE COMPLETED
Karis: Here's your girlfriend. Get out of here.
Tyrell: Oh, shit. There's Briggs!
Briggs: I'll save you, Eoleo! *dies*
Eoleo: MY FATHER'S DEAD
Briggs: SHUT UP SON I DON'T CARE
Volechek: The kingdom is destroyed. Sveta, take this orb that may save the world, I'll stay here.
Sveta: Gotcha.
Kraden: I'm here now!
Rief: What the fu--
Kraden: Nowell is sailing with Piers.
Rief: Who's Piers?
|
| Only Warrior class Mercury Adept in-game STILL SAVED THE WORLD AND SHIT |
Eoleo: Matthew, you seem like you know what you're doing. I'm a pirate and this is my dad's ship AND he's dead, but... why don't you be the captain?
Matthew: ...
Tyrell: It is pretty hard to find your niche porn online, you're right, Matthew.
Kraden: Let me save you a bunch of trouble and tell you the only way to stop this thing is the Apollo Lens. It's ancient, but I only heard about it like, JUST NOW.
Karis: I think that old man said something, but let's travel the world for no real reason.
Tyrell: Okay.
-Izumo-
Kushinada: I am Kushinada. My wife and I met because of Felix and now we have a daughter.
Amiti: Who's Felix?
|
| Possibly one of the most powerful adepts period in Weyard. STILL JENNA'S OLDER BROTHER, SERIOUSLY MATTHEW WHAT THE FUCK STILL TOTALLY SAVED THE WORLD AND ALL THAT SHIT |
Himi: Go get the Umbra Gears.
Tyrell: What's that?
Himi: Ancient armor that appeared 30 years ago.
Karis: So... not ancient?
Himi: SHUT UP AND GO GET IT.
-Endless Wall-
Reif: This is the endless wall.
Tyrell: But we're at the end of it.
Reif: FIGURE. OF. SPEECH.
Eoleo: Look, it's that blue haired guy again.
Arcanus: I'm Alex.
Himi: Who's Alex?
|
| Mia's cousin, probably. STILL THE MAIN ANTAGONIST OF THE SERIES |
Chaos Hound: *roars*
Sveta: LET'S KILL IT OH SHIT IT'S MY BROTHER
Matthew: ...
Sveta: You're right. I'll die now so that I can atone for his sins.
Volechek: No! *dies*
Sveta: He did it!
-later-
Sveta: I'm the queen of Belinsk, now get the hell out of here.
Eoleo: Well, I'll take Himi home and then go to Champa.
Reif: I'll keep traveling with this old man.
Matthew: ...
Amiti: I guess I'll just wander around aimlessly?
-Goma Plateau-
Karis: Awright, we're home!
Tyrell: Look! There's a giant Psyenergy Vortex in the sky and if I'm not mistaken, that was the reason we left home in the first place!
Karis: Actually, we went to get a feather from the Mountain Roc. The rest of this was just gravy.
Tyrell: Oh.
Karis: I guess they'll have to make a sequel?
Tyrell: Guess so.
Matthew: ...
Karis: Yeah I do hope the sequel has more of our parents in it.
Tyrell: They ARE immortal.
Karis: Oh well. THE END...?
